I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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