fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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