Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Can you bring me the toilet please
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
