My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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