FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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