There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We left the knife in your bed.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize