Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
