Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
