You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize