I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
