Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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