the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
