you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
