The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
