why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize