She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
