The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
