I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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