I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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