I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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