dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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