So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize