I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My vagina just clenched in fear
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
