Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
