Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
