Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
