I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize