He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Randomize
