I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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