recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
