The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
