Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
