As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
