When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I did not marry a roomba.
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