Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
