if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
