Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
