Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
