he thought i was a dude.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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