just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
