dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
