So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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