my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize