Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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