Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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