i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
