i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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