how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
