Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
