whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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