I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
