i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
