i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
