Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize