I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
