fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
this boner is exhausting
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize