My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Holy sore nipples Batman
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
