You work out of a Hotel?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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