This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
