Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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