I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
