you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
