Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
