By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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