mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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