Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
