Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
