just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There r osticjed everywhere
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
