what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
