he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize