i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
