I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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