Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
