well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
