I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
