didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
