Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
