Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
