Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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