I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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