Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
