Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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