i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
