OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize