Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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