lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
