his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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