theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
