Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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