I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
