Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
