the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Randomize
