There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
