You smell like stripper and shame
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
