He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize