So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
