i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
