My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
