you guys were way drunker than both of me
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
