We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
