Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
