Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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