i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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