my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize