Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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