this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
