dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
worst night to have a conscience
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize