you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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