3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
