I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
